While not exactly overdosing, I have been occasionally picking at an opened Green & Black’s dark chocolate egg. I gave Mr A said ovoid confection, knowing full well when I bought it that he would need ‘help’ with it. It’s not even that tasty if I am honest, but if something is lying around in scrunched up and torn gold foil, its content actually broken up into bite-sized pieces… Well, it would be impolite not to tidy it up. Just doing my bit for the environment.
So, this smoothie is not strictly for the likes of Mr A, the chocolate shunner. Or rather it is, but as such people don’t need any help feeling smugly healthy they should only get a half portion. Grudgingly. You see, it is gorgeous-tasting, and healthy, and very very green. And if Easter in your house means a religious holiday sponsored by Cadburys, well you are probably wanting something like this right about now. Or are pretty close to that point: something not too penitential, but with just the right note of confectionary contrition. You could even blend in some cacao nibs to ease you gently out of the chocolate stupor.
And as a bonus, If I am not mistaken, this very shade of green is very now. So, if you are like me, and most of your wardrobe comes from the supermarket (Sainsburys), grasping a clear takeaway cup of this may give you a modicum of street cred. Or perhaps you’ll look like a a cheapskate middle-aged person who thinks she’s very now (that’ll obviously be me). At least I am old enough not to care.
My test batches went down surprisingly well considering the lurid colour and lack of chocolate. They were slurped down so quickly in fact that everyone was afflicted/hilariously paralysed by brain-freeze. Just like the old days when we would pound back a cola Icee and suffer the consequences, jumping around from foot to foot while simultaneously slapping our foreheads like demented monkeys. It joins Beetroot Zinger in my metaphorical Pantheon of favoured juices. I’ve also got a cherbub-pink smoothie waiting in the wings to dance its way into your heart. I blame a new, scaled-down Vitamix for my recent zeal for all things smooth and nutritious. But don’t worry, instructions are given for less dandified and powerful blenders. And you can even use a hand-blender too.
I hope you can handle the 0-60 transition from frenetic chocolate overload to soothing green smoothie infusion. I’ll admit it doesn’t look quite as fetching as a gold-wrapped oval of pure chocolate, but it sure as heck looks better on the hips
The pineapple keeps this super refreshing, zingy smoothie from being totally green, but ‘pretty green’ describes it to a t(ea). Don’t be put off making this if you don’t have a powerful blender. If you have a juicer, do the apple and kale with it and blend in the remainder with a hand blender/immersion blender. Or, use about 200 ml of good quality bought apple juice and chuck this in your blender with the rest of the ingredients. Just use less water if doing it with bought juice. My daughter says the fresh mint really makes this a stand-out smoothie, so do try and get it. But dried mint or even a healthy pinch from a good mint tea bag (eg Pukka Three Mint) is fine too. I have tried it with fresh and dried.
Blend and drink. Serves 2.